Read Your Bible (Particularly the Proverbs)

These are the proverbs of Solomon, the son of David and king of Israel. They will help you learn to be wise, to accept correction, and to understand wise sayings. They will teach you to develop your mind in the right way. You will learn to do what is right and to be honest and fair. These proverbs will make even those without education smart. They will teach young people what they need to know and how to use what they have learned. Even the wise could become wiser by listening to these proverbs. They will gain understanding and learn to solve difficult problems. These sayings will help you understand proverbs, stories with hidden meanings, words of the wise, and other difficult sayings.
Proverbs 1:1-6 (ERV)
bibleThe world would be a whole lot better if everyone just read the Proverbs in the morning instead of the newspaper or our social media news-feeds. I mean seriously. If everyone in the world, Christian or not, just adhered to the Wisdom of Solomon, we may not have half of the issues we have. Why? Because it’s all relevant.
Here’s an example. Proverbs 7:6-23 (ERV) begins, “One day I was looking out my window at some foolish teenagers and noticed one who had no sense at all.” I mean seriously. How many times have you looked out your window and saw some teenagers acting nuts-o? And there’s generally one in every bunch that feels like they have to be the wildest.
Anyway, the scripture goes on to say that the teen with “no sense at all”, wound up walking through the neighborhood near “that” woman’s house. Some of you know exactly who “that woman” is. Now, even if you live in a wonderful neighborhood that doesn’t have a “that woman”, then you at least have heard stories about her from friends, or seen her on a popular prime-time television show that’s shown on Thursday nights. (I’m just sayin’.) You can pick one.
The boy knew he had no business over there in the first place. But it’s getting dark and the woman suddenly appears before him. He didn’t even have to read the Proverbs to know she was going to pop up, because in 1984 the prophet Whodini said the “Freaks Come Out at Night”.
Verse 10 says the woman was dressed in her booty shorts and stiletto sneakers because she had plans for him. What? That’s not what it says? So what’s the word the Bible uses? Hmm?
Brothers! Let me tell you something. Most of you are not as smooth as you think. It’s not likely that you “just happened” to notice her from across the room. It was probably planned.
Okay. Let’s jump down to verse 13. I’m going to translate what happens in 2015 while you read along in your Bible. But my version is much cleaner.

“She saw the young man and said, ‘Hey Tony. Where my hug at?’ Then she said, ‘I just got finished making that homemade lasagna and strawberry cheesecake. I told you I could throw down. You should come and get some while it’s hot.”

Know your Bible! Don’t get bamboozled! Now, “that” woman, is your baby mama and you’re stuck with her forever!
Now ladies. Before you jump down my throat, it works both ways. Except a man wouldn’t be called “that guy”, he’d be referred to as, “Girrrrl (with the roll of the eyes), you betta watch out for him because He. Is. A. Dog.” You see; the guys have it much worse.  But in case you’re interested in reading it, that version takes place in 2 Samuel 11.
Anyway, you read the rest for yourself. All I’m saying is, read your Bible. Particularly the Proverbs. They can save your life.
pattersonphoto(Contributing Writer: Marlena Patterson)